MEN IN BLACK II - AUDIO COMMENTARY

I don’t really know what it says about me that the first thing I did after an exhausting cross-country move was to get a bit intoxicated and watch Men in Black 2. There was a bit of natural selection involved; I was looking for something low-effort and the DVD was near the top of the box. How unsuspecting I was when I turned on the director’s commentary in a fit of boredom. Sometimes life-changing events just sneak up on you like that. 

Barry Sonnenfeld’s commentary is basically The Room of audio commentaries. It’s the best-worst and I’m in love with it.

Typically, a good commentary skips over mundane details in favor of funny anecdotes about celebrities or stories of creative battles with studio execs. That’s not Sonnenfeld’s jam. Instead, he dutifully notes which city each scene was shot in (“…and we’re back in Pasadena!”), which elements were added digitally, and which animation companies created each digital element (ILM did about 20% of Frank the Pug’s mouth). This should be mind numbing, but his obliviousness to how boring he’s being somehow makes it more entertaining. He really thinks he’s being interesting. There’s also an earnest charm in his Jewish New York accent that gives his delivery just the right amount of heart to avoid monotony. There are some great moments when he points out an obvious CGI element (there wasn’t really an 800-pound worm in the subway; that actor doesn’t really have 8 arms) as if we might have actually believed they were real. I honestly can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or if someone told him that only 6 year-olds listen to audio commentaries.

In addition to sharing a litany of production details, Sonnenfeld adds some odd non sequiturs, explains why jokes are funny, and makes a series of unfortunate comments about Laura Flynn Boyle. “I like the way Laura walks across here, it’s really kinda trampy.” There’s also a run where he points out which men have strong jaws and which one looks like Frank the Pug. The thing that gets me the most is that I can’t tell if he says this stuff for the audience’s benefit or his own amusement.

Whenever he mentions a crew member or actor, he always throws in a little anecdote about them, but each time there’s something slightly off about it. He introduces production designer Bo Welch and then humble brags about buying him (and his wife...and their daughters) dinner at an expensive restaurant the previous night. He mentions that he’s worked with sound designer Skip Livesay on all of his films, notes that Livesay has also worked with the Coen brothers, and then concludes with, “…and he mumbles.” A street intersection mentioned in dialog is revealed to be the intersection that screenwriter Barry Fanaro lives at and “You should go visit him.” There’s so much good material here, I’m gonna need some bullet-pointed highlights:

• “Those are Laura’s real breasts.”
• Sonnenfeld describing beatboxing; he had no idea.
• Shooting digital scenes sucks because, “The color blue all day makes you insane and angry.”
• That time Sonnenfeld thought he had a heart attack, but it was just stress.
• “Every time you can make a testicle joke, you know you’ve got a hit movie.”
• “She’s realizing there’s a problem between the picture of what she wants to look like and what she turned herself into. And it’s all about Laura’s stomach.”
• “Look out, Will” — used when Will Smith’s character doesn’t notice something or is about to be kissed.
• The story of how they reshot a scene because Rosario Dawson didn’t look cute enough the first time.
• The story of how one of the bit-part actors went to elementary school with Sonnenfeld and they both liked the same girl. It’s a real heart breaker.
• Will Smith is afraid of water.
• etc...

I can barely believe I’m saying this, but for your next viewing party, I highly recommend you get somewhat intoxicated and turn on the Men in Black 2 commentary. You’ll thank me.

- Guest Writer, Ryan Nichols - Writer extraordinaire. You can reach him at ryannicholsthewriter@gmail.com

ALL-STAR VIDEO comes to the Trylon

So, obviously we've been pretty quiet lately.  What with kids, new jobs, moving, new dogs, etc., Matt and I have been separated a bit from this little thing we love.  But, there is good news coming.

The Trylon microcinema has offered us a late night spot to follow Trash Film Debauchery on the third Wednesday of every month.  We've taken a few friends (Pat Vehling, Malcolm Mohr and Andrew Madetzke have been putting an enormous amount of work on this) helping to program and promote the series. If we can continue to have a loyal following we'll gain ourselves a permanent spot in the late-night spot after TFD. 

I also want to say that bigger stuff is down the pipeline (though I won't announce that here and now.)  

If you've been following us at all and know the types of films we love, I don't think you'll be surprised that we're starting with a concise history of shot-on-video favorites.

I also want to add that a ticket to this series gets you the ability to become a member of the new and improved All-Star Video Library.  The new library titles will be available March 16.

Here are the details:

Coming soon to The Trylon microcinema

All-Star Video celebrates the mad world of shot-on-video movies! In the heyday of the video store, amateur filmmakers brought their crazy stories to your VHS player using home-video cameras, tiny budgets, and boundless enthusiasm. We’ve combed through hundreds of titles to bring you some of the wildest works ever committed to magnetic tape. Want to know what we’re showing? You’ll need to show up to find out! Third Wednesdays following TFD at the Trylon.

BUY TICKETSEMAIL REMINDER

ALL-STAR VIDEO ALL-STAR VIDEO MARCH The Trylon microcinema Wed Mar 16 9:00  What might be the first shot-on-video slasher film comes complete with VHS slow-motion effects. This one has a possessed weapon, a mashed-potato food fight, and a killer soundtrack. Will this be the most enjoyable film you see this year? Yes. Yes it will. $5

BUY TICKETSEMAIL REMINDER

ALL-STAR VIDEO ALL-STAR VIDEO APRIL The Trylon microcinema Wed Apr 20 8:45  This ambitious, off-the-wall amateur film is as original, and stupid, as they come. Floating men in underwear, a goggled goofball burying random body parts, and a couple of poolside chainsaw attacks await you. $5

BUY TICKETSEMAIL REMINDER

ALL-STAR VIDEO ALL-STAR VIDEO MAY The Trylon microcinema Wed May 18 9:00  If you think Troll 2 and The Room are as bad as bad gets, you’re going find yourself in way over your head tonight. Filled to the brim with hilarious padding, this one reuses footage from old films (again!) and includes multiple scenes involving typing at a desktop calculator. Is this the worst film ever made? See it and decide for yourself. $5

Tickets on sale here: http://trylon.org/series/142/

Thanks for being on this crazy journey with us. Hope to see you March 16.

AN INTRODUCTION TO EL SANTO

Perhaps there is something about the Santo films that truly captures what I love about genre films and pro-wrestling.  Or, maybe its that the Mexican filmmakers who worked on the series know how to perfectly combine the wrestling picture, super hero film and horror / westerns.

The luchador is an image that does not translate well to American sensibilities.  We consider men in masks to be goofy.  Watching Santo drive his convertible, ride a horse or look over documents in his mask and a full business suit is just simply hilarious.  However, in Mexico, the luchador is a serious character.  The mask is sacred.  The things he represent are good and just.  El Santo is the most famous of these characters.  Don't think of him as Hulk Hogan (before the recent events turned him into scumbag #1).  He is more akin to Batman.

El Santo (The Saint) is the character charismatically played by Rudolfo Guzman Huerta for nearly five decades.  He was reportedly a decent baseball player and then dedicated Jiu-Jitsu student.  He premiered as El Hombre Rojo (The Red Man) in Mexico City in 1935.  In 1942 he became known as El Santo.


In 1952 Santo appeared in Sensacional de Luchas issue no. 425.  The comic book would run continusouly for another 35 years.

Where Santo truly became interesting, however, was in cinema.  In 1958, he appeared in El Cerebro del Mal aka Santo contra Cerebro del Mal.  (The Evil Brain).  The movie is super strange.  It plays like a straight western for nearly an hour.  A girl has been kidnapped by an evil town boss and a lawman must seek out and save his sister.  Like I said, this plays for nearly an hour.  But, at one point, there is a desperate struggle at the edge of a cliff.  Multiple henchman have the lawman cornered.  Then, riding furiously on a horse, donning both mask and cape, Santo comes riding to the rescue.  The scene plays back and forth, lawman fighting, then Santo riding, lawman fighting, etc...  Finally, Santo arrives.  He clotheslines, suplexes and double-axe-handle-smashes his way through the henchmen.  He then proceeds to toss them from the cliff!  Its amazing. These dudes just want to fight and Santo proceeds to murder all of them.

Santo would go on to appear in more than 52 lucha films.  The basic formula would remain the same.  People are in trouble.  They call on Santo.  He wrestles some guy in the ring and then comes and dominates.  I haven't seen all of them as a huge majority of these films have yet to be released in the States with English subtitles, but the basic underlying beauty of these films is their unabashed love of the unexpected.  In Santo contra las Mujeras Vampiros (Santo vs the Vampire Women) Santo pushes a handful of vampire women into their coffins and then proceeds to burn them all alive.

I find something almost courageous about the pacing of low budget pictures from this time period.  Slow doesn't really define.  It's almost more like tedious.  But, for me, that's part of the enjoyment.  The build up is all the more enjoyable when Santo calls on his Santo video phone from his silver convertible.

And now we come to SANTO Y BLUE DEMON CONTRA LOS MONSTRUOS (1970).  I picked this film to play at the cemetery because it is a different kind of special.  By 1970, the people making Santo films had perfected the look and feel.  They had made 22 of them already.  They needed to spice it up.  What if he were to fight all the monsters?!  The evil Dr. Halder combines the forces of Dracula, Frankenstein, The Cyclops, Mummy, etc, to take over the world.  They also brainwash the lovable Blue Demon to be their minion.  The pacing here is quick.  The wrestling match scene is well commentated.  The fight scenes are over the top, and there are a ton of them.  In reality, this is a B picture that would've played well in American drive-ins had it been dubbed into English.

I can't imagine this film won't make you fall in love the world of Santo.  It worked for me.

-J. Moret

THE FAN (AKA DER FAN / TRANCE)

This time John and Matt discuss THE FAN.
No. . . not that one. . . not the Wesley Snipes movie. . .
Anyway. Check it out.


Check out this episode!

LADY TERMINATOR

John and Matt discuss the Indonesian masterpiece and Terminator ripoff, Lady Terminator.

This may be the most serious review of this movie ever made. . . and it's really not that serious.

Check out this episode!

Review: NEKROMANTIC

Nekromantic
Director: Jorg Buttgereit
1988 - West Germany
Shot on 8mm Film
2014 Cult Epics - Blu-Ray & DVD
Banned in a bunch of places

Because the cover art may get our blog flagged. . .

I have a really bad habit of letting my curiosity get the best of me. Usually I find that when this happens, what I get myself into is much different than what I expected.

Nekromantic is one of those films that a certain sub-set of horror fans really like. They wear pins, patches, and talk it up to everyone that will listen. It's relative scarcity adds to it's mystique. One day at the dirty flea market 20 miles up the road, I saw the recent Blu-Ray release of the film for sale. I thought, "It's called Nekromantic. . . and that's pretty dumb. . . but all those dudes at horror conventions love this movie, maybe there's more to it that sex with a a corpse."

I was right, and I was wrong.

Basically the film follows a dude named Rob. He picks up stiffs for a living. We see him pick up a dismembered corpse from a traffic accident and get to witness some no budget gore effects. We pretty much see his job is horrible and so is his home life. His girlfriend Betty is bored with him, his coworkers think he's a creep. His life is pretty terrible. Because he totally is a creep.

The feeling of rejection and lifelessness is one many people can relate to. And then the movie goes off the deep end.

There is a completely random scene where this dude is getting drunk and shooting his gun. He accidentally kills a gardener, wheels away the body and dumps it in a lake. Rob is assigned with the clean up. He brings the decomposed body home to his girlfriend. They have a very softcore yet suggestive threesome with the corpse and a condomed pipe (complete with nauseating  film effects).

Rob thinks his relationship is getting better. Then after being fired from his terrible job he comes home to find Betty has left him, and taken the corpse. Rob becomes suicidal, going berserk on people (and cats) and sexing their bodies. In the end we pretty much learn that life's a bitch and then you stab yourself in the belly while pleasuring yourself.

Alone at last.

Nekromantic is horrible in every way. It comes across more so as an extremely dark comedy than horror film. Mostly do to it's shoddy construction. I was shocked that I was laughing more than cringing while watching the film. The film is more about how Rob descends into madness, driven by emotional and sexual rejection, all by his own doing. He just wasn't good enough.

This is was a zero budget film. The blood and guts are real (from slaughtered animals). The acting is terrible, it's shot on 8mm and it looks like smeared poop. It sucks bigtime.

It's much more interesting than I thought it would be, but at the same time, it was terrible and I will never view it again. That being said, I am glad that my curiosity was satisfied. I can take it of my list of terrible movies that I haven't seen.

The Blu-Ray is totally stuffed with features. . . which is great, if you like the movie. I didn't really, so I didn't bother. As for picture quality, 8mm can only look so good. This Blu-Ray is likely the best it's gonna get.

Truly, this film is almost completely harmless and shouldn't be seen as a dangerous piece of media, as it often is. Sure, it is pretty twisted, but it does have some (if only a shred) of merit. . . and all of the people who are into this movie probably like it because a woman simulates a sex act with a fake corpse. . .


G. McSkullerslamasegagenesis

SATAN'S BLADE

We review Satan's Blade. Released by Olive Films and Slasher Video.

and then we whine about how computers suck.

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HOLOGRAM MAN!

IT'S TIME FOR HOLOGRAM MAN!!!

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Podcast: GORE-MET ZOMBIE CHEF FROM HELL

This week "The Gang" discusses Gore-Met Zombie Chef from Hell. We also touch on Scissor kicking Google, Triple Tap, Baby, and why a person that sustains life by eating human flesh probably wouldn't serve it to others.

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RACE WITH THE DEVIL - 1975

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Review: SKIDOO

Directed by Otto Preminger
1968
97 mins.
Olive Films blu-ray release, 2014

Perhaps you're the type of person that uses words like "madcap hilarity" and "groovy."  Well, then I don't know what to say about your vernacular, but you'd fit right in the world of SKIDOO.

This is a film that is a giant risk on every level.  From acting choices (like Jackie Gleason) to crazy writing (at one point a hallucinatory man in a light pyramid has a conversation with Gleason in a prison cell...) this film walks the line of absolute disaster and brilliant masterpiece.  I think, in the end, it lies somewhere in the middle.  That being said, I thought it was an avant-garde experiment well worth doing and I'm so please Olive has put it out.

The basic premise is this:  Gleason is an old retired mob hitman who is called in for one more job.  Problem is, he doesn't want to do that work anymore.  He now has a loving wife and daughter.

Up to this point, you might think what is the big deal?  Well, imagine that all this plays out like a mix between The Pink Panther and Happy Days.  Gleason's daughter is a big time hippy.

I'm not getting this across well at all.

This movie is crazy.  There are dancing trash cans.  DANCING TRASH CANS.  EVERYONE ends up on acid.  Prison guards do musical numbers.  Groucho Marx plays a germophobe mob boss named God.  All the villains from Batman: The TV Series show up.  A hippy boat army attacks God's yacht with love.  Pacifist physicists make hot air balloons out of laundry.

This is the type of movie that fits perfectly within the Laugh-In culture.  Completely subversive, absolutely absurd and strangely intellectual.  Its about the culture wars and violence and the military and the prison system and drugs.  And, did I mention that Carol Channing is genius?

After all that, you also get the soundtrack.  Put together by Harry Nilsson, it is absolutely strange and absolutely catchy in a way only he can do.  This is a fascinating piece and the blu-ray looks gorgeous.

So strange.

-J. Moret

CURTAINS - 1983 Horror FIlm

Check out this episode!

Mr. Mom - ALL STAR VIDEO

John and Matt talk about where they have been over the last few months. Then they talk about Mr. Mom's socio-economic messages. . . It's a bit weird.

Check out this episode!

Review: MOONTRAP

Directed by Robert Dyke
1989
92 mins.
Olive Films Blu-Ray Release

I had never heard of Olive Films (weirdly, as they have released and distributed lots of good stuff now that I'm looking) until they acquired all of the titles from Jesus Teran's wonderful little indie label, Slasher Video.  (You can hear my interview with Jesus here: http://allstarvideo.blogspot.com/2013/12/interview-with-jesus-teran-of-slasher.html ).  Their newest release is a little seen space horror gem called MOONTRAP.

MOONTRAP is the kind of movie that has old scientists telling marines not to shoot aliens because "it's a great moment for mankind."  And then in the next breath, in slow-motion, yells "Get the son of a bitch!"  Or, in other words, my kind of movie.

The basic premise is this: Chekov (Walter Koenig) and Ash (the crazy charismatic Bruce Campbell) are astronauts who find a giant alien spacecraft with a big robotic egg and decayed corpse inside.  When they bring the egg back to earth, it turns out to have the terminator in it and Chekov dominates the hell out of it.  But, little do they know that the terminator is a combo platter of robotic death and organic matter...

Well, the president decides it's time to go back to the moon.  Chekov and Ash are the obvious choices and off they go. Lunacy follows.



Moontrap gets a lot of things right.  First, space travel.  I'm a huge sucker for all things space, and this film does a great job capturing the immensity of it all.  Olive Films has done a wonderful job with the restoration and it truly is a gorgeous looking film.  There are plenty of great effects shots that show how tiny we are in comparison to the endless darkness.  Our apparent insignificance becomes all the moreso when in comparison the giant cold nothing outside.

The humor is deadpan enough that it doesn't really land anywhere, except when Bruce Campbell is doing it.  His genial sarcasm both undermines any tension that could exist in the film and lifts it above it taking itself too seriously.  It is a robot alien moon invasion film after all.

But, the thing that really works here is the way they play with the mythology of landing on the moon.  I love the stories of Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Alan Shepherd.  I love how truly mysterious and strange space still seems even after multiple visits.  Even in the most trivial of circumstances (Moontrap, for instance), I find myself contemplating my existence.  And, I love the fictionalization of true events.  Here, we see a little robot head pop out of the moon dust just as Aldrin gets back on the lander and escapes.  When Koenig and Campbell return, they aren't so lucky.  Now there is a fourteen thousand year old robot base that they need to deal with.

This is a film that could only have been made when it was.  The late 1980s was the perfect time for combining different kinds of effects.  Light boxes, models and darkly lit sets provide a semi-believable experience on the moon.  Pre-CGI and post 2001: A Space Odyssey, Moontrap is able to take cues from the latter and not be hindered by the former.  Likewise, it seems that our imagination about space seems to have fettered.  Ever since 2003, when the Bush administration responded to the explosion of the Columbia by demanding a re-evaluation of the space shuttle fleet.  This set the stage for the last mission to outer-space in 2010.  And, here we are, physically grounded.  Moontrap could perhaps never have been made in this atmosphere.

No doubt Moontrap is far from perfect.  The slow, meticulous pacing is perfect when they are floating in space, but strange and quite dull when surviving in an oxygen igloo.  (This particular scene is so useless, that it might be one of the best in the movie).  Koenig is stiff and uninspiring.  Seems the casting should've gone opposite, but he was the star back then, not Campbell.  The villains are very interesting and have a pretty great twist, but are far from terrifying.

But, there is space, Ash, very very random nudity, and explosions.  So, worth your time.

-J. Moret

DIAL RAT FOR TERROR

Bone was released in 1972.

The film opens with this quote:

"The Year is 1970

The most powerful nation on earth wages war against one of the poorest countries - which it finds impossible to defeat.

And in this great affluent nation exists its smallest richest city...

And it is called Beverly Hills"

I think there are few directors more exciting and varied than Larry Cohen.  His films have a very deep and intellectual view of satire, which does not get in the way of great film-making, even when it's about a killer baby.

Lawrence G. Cohen was born in Kingston, New York in 1941.  By the time he reached his twenties (easily the most formative time in adulthood), it was the 1960s.  But, he didn't become enamored with the wayward hippy movement or the Beat movement.  Instead, he quietly learned the craft of film working on television shows like The Fugitive and writing scripts for The Invaders.

In 1970, he began work on his directorial debut, Dial Rat for Terror (Aka Housewife, aka Beverly Hills Nightmare, aka BONE.)  It's a wildly daring debut film.

It begins in a swanky Beverly Hills house with Bernadette and Bill arguing about something or other.  Bill begins to clean the pool and discovers a rat.  As it just so happens, Bone (the amazing Yaphet Kotto) arrives.  Bill assumes he's from the pool company and Bone helps him remove the rat, bare-handed.  After letting that symbolism sit with you a moment, Cohen brings Bone into the house with Bill and Bernadette, forcing his way into their lives.  He demands money, but Bill has none in the house.  So, Bone sends him away to get cash and holds Bernadette hostage.

What makes this film, and all of Cohen's work, special is the satirical social underpinnings that keep the audience thinking.  Though the plot could be used simply as comedic fodder (see The Ref (1994), it instead becomes social commentary on suburban white America.  It looks at the chaos created by the Vietnam War.  It exposes the lies and secrets of middle class debt.  It does what Cohen does best, it is entertaining exploitation fare with subtext.

Cohen would go on to make Black Caesar, which carries on many of the same themes and ideas present in Bone.  He would become famous for great genre films like Q: The Winged Serpent, the brilliant killer baby movie It's Alive, (http://allstarvideo.blogspot.com/2013/06/review-its-alive.html), God Told Me To (http://allstarvideo.blogspot.com/2013/05/review-god-told-me-to.html) and The Stuff.

What's striking to me now, after seeing a number of his films and then going back to his debut, is how self-aware and intellectual his approach to film-making is.  He begins the film with a quote about the weakness of American power and then proceeds to put some of its supposedly wealthiest, happiest couples on screen with an intruder that makes them realize their vulnerability.  After which, they proceed to dig in the wounds of each others' faults.

What seems so prescient right at this moment about Bone (beyond the idea that our country's power doesn't make us unstoppable)  is the extreme exhaustion that Bill and Bernadette seem to exude.  Vietnam proved that money is not power.  The States can be intimidated.  And beaten.  And, we can be exhausted easily when we believe we're in the wrong.  Bill and Bernadette put on a good show, claiming they gave up their son to the war, but he gave himself up to something else.  And, Cohen digs in the wound.  Our morale is broken, because we've been wrong for so very long.  It's just too bad we didn't learn any lessons from Dial Rat for Terror.

-J. Moret

Review: ORCA THE KILLER WHALE

Directed by Michael Anderson
1977
92 mins. Color.
Paramount VHS

Orca is marketed as a poor-man's sidekick to Jaws 4.  By extension, you'd expect the idea is that the terrifying seas produce yet another killer animal that rampages a small community.

In reality, Orca is a lot more like Death Wish, on the water, and Charles Bronson is played by an animatronic aquatic mammal.

The film opens with idyllic music and two whales goofily jumping out of the water in front of a matte painting of a sunset.

Then, we witness a diver being chased by a shark.  Said shark gets power-slammed and tossed into the air.  Captain Nolan (Richard Harris) stares in astonishment.  "What could do that to a shark?"

The diver stands next to Nolan and replies, "The only thing powerful enough to do that to a shark is a Killer Whale."

This scene is then followed by Rampling giving lectures and doing lots of talking about all the astonishing things about the Killer Whale.  They have sonar, the fetuses have fingers (like humans), they mate for life, they're crazy smart, etc...  And then she mentions that they can also seek revenge.

Then, Nolan decides it would be super sweet to go out and capture one of these whales.  It goes pretty poorly.  He kills a female, and with it her unborn child.  The father is pretty pissed.  The way that this scene is done is surprisingly moving.  The music and the sounds of the whales are very sad.

You may remember the mediocre documentary, Blackfish.  Instead of making that, they should have just re-released this movie.  It makes me fear and respect Killer Whales, and it also has really cheesy filmmaking that is pretty sweet.

They have ridiculous scenes like fast-zooms to the Orca's eye staring at Nolan.

I guess after Jaws, there is little room for a realistic ocean advenure, but the absurdity of the whole thing is a bit laughable.

Anyway, the Orca knows its limited to the sea and can't just shoot Nolan with a rocket launcher, so it starts messing with boats and blowing up power plants.  Yes.  The Orca hits some pipes or something that supposedly starts a fire that then blows up a power plant.  As the plant explodes, the Orca jumps out of the water  in triumph.  It's absolutely ridiculous.

The superb stupidity and genuinely emotional filmmaking make this one of the more enjoyable monster flicks I've seen in a while.

You can find it on DVD or on VHS with one of the sweetest covers ever.

-J.Moret

Review: RESOLUTION (2012)

Directed by Justin Benson & Aaron Scott Moorhead

2012

93 mins. Color

Netflix

Resolution is a clever, subtle, and extremely well made horror film that I can’t recommend enough. While often compared to Cabin in the Woods because of it’s similar “genre bending”, this film takes it’s time and slowly crawls under your skin.

Resolution is about two best friends, Michael and Chris. Chris is a junkie crackhead and Michael is a professional and expectant father. One day Michael receives an email from Chris with a video of him getting really fucking high on crack and shooting things in the woods. Michael decides to go up to the dilapidated house that Chris is staying in and try to get him to go to rehab. Well his attempt is unsuccessful so he does what any friend would do and handcuffs his crack smoking buddy to a pipe and tells him he’s stuck for the next week while goes cold turkey. GREAT plan. Michael and Chris sit and talk about life, jobs, babies, and crack. After a day or two Michael starts finding these stories and thats when the film starts getting really creepy. It first starts with a box of pictures that seemingly tell a story that ends with the main character dying horribly. Then he finds a record with another ill-fated ending which leads to more stories on slides, VHSs, and even reel to reel films. As time goes by and Chris slowly detoxes, Michael becomes obsessed with these stories he’s finding and wonders who is leaving these morbid tales and why does he feel like he’s being watched all the time.

Writer, producer, co-director Justin Benson masterfully juggles the sad story of the two friends and the detox with the horror story of these deadly tales. The detox story is very well put together and while it’s maybe the worst idea in the world for someone to chain another up to get them to quit smoking crack, it somehow still works. The two men actually feel like real friends and their conversations don’t feel forced. I also loved the fact that Benson didn’t give Chris a sad, forced reason as to why he smokes crack like almost every film or television show feels like it must. Usually it’s something like abuse, or financial problems, or emotional problems but here Chris smokes crack because he can. He explains that he just loves it and that’s all the reason he needs. None of the unnecessary reasonings as to why someone would want to smoke crack. He just wants to and that reason is far more believable to me.

I was amazed at how subtle the horror aspect of the film was. Little by little, the film got creepier and creepier. While Chris is locked in the ramshackle house all day, Michael goes on walks and into town and everyone he interacts with is strange and carries a sense of danger with their presence. It really just adds to the experience. I have a feeling that some people might not like the ending but without any spoilers, I thought it worked great and made the film that much more memorable.

Independently produced, cleverly plotted, and subtly terrifying, this film knocked me off my feet. I gambled on a random Netflix film and boy did I feel like I won. Directors Justin Benson and Aaron Scott Moorhead will be directing a segment in the upcoming VHS sequel, VHS: VIRAL and I can’t wait to see what they’ll do with that. Hopefully, they can hold on to the magic that they had while making this little, fantastic film.

-Thomas Reinert

Review: BAOTIEN (a home video)

Director: N/A (I'll call him "Dad")

Year: 1997

Format: Home Video VHS

My VCR made a funky sound, then smoke came out and I couldn't fix the tracking...  So, I went to purchase a VCR at Goodwill.

When I plugged it in, I found a mysterious tape labeled BAOTIEN inside the purchased VCR.

It begins with a bit of an Asian soap opera of some kind.  

Then, it cuts in with an adorable baby that sings (yells) karaoke for about five mins, with the echo on.  After about two minutes of black darkness, the baby returns and screams into the echo chamber as her (presumably) mother sings a beautiful song to karaoke.

Of course, this was not intended for someone outside the family to view, so there was a moment of hesitation.  Is this invading their privacy?  Are these private moments off limits?  I can't say for sure whether they would be offended, but I was pretty entranced by the whole thing.  I kept watching, knowing that I would most likely never meet these people.  I would never know their futures, never have any sense of what they hoped to do.  As you watch another family's home video, so many questions that will never have any answers arise.  

I'll never know their names.  But, I certainly got a sense of their lives.

When you watch a lot of films, you begin to see that everything thats on screen is a choice.  Its amazing to see how Dad here chose to focus solely on Baby.  There is no adult life he's concerned with.  He simply sets his gaze on her and never turns away.  By the choice of music and the editing of shots, it's clear that he spent time wanting it to be something watchable.  And, I must say, it was fascinating for what it was. 

APR. 6 1997.

When it cuts, baby is watching Charlotte's Web in English.  The label on the bottom reads APR. 6 1997.  She wears a floral dress of some sort, and "Dad" follows her every move.  She pounds crackers by the handful as Templeton goes around the carnival singing "Smorgasbord"

A large selection of DVDs and VHS tapes line the sides of the television.  Wood paneling and orange carpeting.  "Dad" chomps on chips and zooms way in on baby.  the room is full of open boxes, as if they just moved in.

APR. 10 1997

Baby is now wearing red pajamas, and beautiful unknown asian music plays over top.  Dad zooms in on certain objects in the room, but never for long.  Baby is on the move, and she always gets full attention.  At times she pulls up the camera and yanks on it, pleading with Dad to give it to her.  

May 19 1997

Baby is a bit weepy today.  Lots of crying and running.  Watching her grow in this monthly increment is fascinating.  She interacts differently with her dad and the camera.  She is fascinated with her fingers, pushes them into things and stares at them.  The beautiful music plays throughout.  I'm beginning to think that Dad put it in after the fact, and very specifically chose each scene to fit that scene.  Here, it is very beautiful and melancholy and seems to perfectly fit a scene where baby spins in circles over and over, finally spinning herself into uncontrollable staggering and she falls into the TV, immediately beginning to reach out to Dad to hold her as she cries.  

He begins to change light meter and white balance on the camera s baby plays with the blinds, creating flares and white-outs.  

This date is specifically fascinating, because there is more experimentation on all of it.  Baby is constantly exploring and Dad seems content to be a silent observer, catching all of it.  But, he does so more as background now and less as a participant.  

June 18 1997

Baby has a playmate today, and its fascinating to watch her interact.  She is gentle and generous.  She offers her bottle to the little boy and picks it up when he drops it.  

July () 1997

The soundtrack for today is Independence Day on TV in the backgound.  Baby wears light blue sunglasses with Winnie the Pooh on them and she slowly leafs through empty post-it notes.

July 3 1997

The music that he picks for this is an Asian cover of "Song for Woody."  I found myself silently singing along, "One thousand miles from my home" and thinking about how mixed their emotions were.  Here they are with their beautiful little girl, but in a strange land.  When it cuts, it shows tons of traffic going out of town for the Fourth of July.

Finally, it cuts to a soap opera of some kind.  I didn't make it far into that...

To the unnamed family, I wish you the best.  If, somehow, you read this and would like your tape back, please contact us at allstarvideoblog@gmail.com and we'd be happy to get it to you. 

-J. Moret