Thursday, December 13, 2012

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale review

2010
Directed by Jalmari Helander
84 mins.  Color.
blu-ray released by Oscilloscope, 2010

I can't recommend this movie highly enough.  There have been a number of great movies in the past two years that capture childhood perfectly.  Super 8, I Wish, Moonrise Kingdom, and Beasts of the Southern Wild to just name a few.  This film should stand right up there with them.

The film opens with a very creepy old dude who has started a giant excavation on a mountaintop in the arctic tundra of Finland.  He claims it is a sacred grave.  Pietari is a young boy who is endlessly curious.  He lives with his father, who seems to have a herd of reindeer and be a butcher.  Along the lines of John Carpenter's The Thing, this is an all male cast.  A community made up of hearty cold weather survivalists.  In essence, this film is about fathers and sons. There is a great moment when Pietari enters the butcher area and his father Rauno keeps his eyes closed and tries to protect his son.

Rauno's entire reindeer herd is found grotesquely killed.  Children go missing.  Supplies are ransacked. Pietari and his friend go hunting for who or what might be responsible.

Helander does a beautiful job shooting this film.  The cold blues and blacks dominate.  The oranges and reds in the house and butcher shop feel like a small escape from the formidable cold only for small warm moments amidst father and son.  The cold seems to get into the very bones of the film.

Likewise, the monster makeup and effects are, for the most part, fantastic.  There is a fair amount of CG that is a bit distracting later on in the film, but for a film like this with this kind of budget I don't really see that as a major problem.  The cheap nature of it is even a bit charming.  Helander does a nice job of using practical effects and makeup when possible.

What really makes this film stand up on it's own is the performances.  The relationships among the men come across as completely natural.  Likewise, the concern and love for fathers and sons is convincingly heartfelt.  Most American horror seems to shy away from this dynamic.  It feels as though most young protagonists in American horror films are either alone, baby-sitting, have uninvolved parents or are horrible people themselves.  However, here the macho unapproachable male father is completely absent.  Pietari is a very strange kid.  He comes across as a sweet artsy kid, little understood by his gruff and tough father.  And yet, this plays like a fantasy of a young misunderstood kid.  Loved and accepted by his father.

The ending gets super goofy, but if taken in stride, is a wonderful Christmas tale indeed.

The Trivia:

  • Sadly, this is Helander's only feature film at this time.  Let's hope he gets some funding for whatever he decides to do next.
  • Made for around 2 million dollars.  Seems to have grossed about half of that that back in theaters.  Help them out.  Go buy this film.  

Set Yourself Up:

  • This plays at the Trylon Microcinema, for the second year in a row, on Monday December 17th and Tuesday December 18th at 7pm and 9pm.  You should try to catch it there if you can, as this is one to be relished with friends and strangers.
  • Before heading over to the Trylon, hit up some great winter food.  Maybe some reindeer meat?  A full stein of Koff, Karhu or some other dark Finnish beer.


The Goods:
If you can't make it to the Trylon, Oscilloscope has put out a great blu-ray release of the film.  It includes the two short prequels that inspired the feature, a making of, concept art, behind the scenes stuff, trailers and the 1964 classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), which is awesome.
You also get this quote on the back:
"Deliciously creepy.  Alongside Gremlins and The Nightmare Before Christmas, this audacious and unashamedly silly gift is an anti-holiday cult classic in the making." - Village Voice

-J.Moret






Monday, December 10, 2012

Box Art: CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS


For today's Box Art, I present VCI Entertainment's 2010 release of Bob Clark's Children Shouldn't play with Dead Things (1972)

"Your invited to Orville's coming out party!  It'll be a Scream!  ...Yours"



"Led by a mean-spirited director, Alan (Alan Ormsby), a theater troupe travels by boat to a small island graveyard for buried criminals.  Using a grimoire, Alan begins a seance to raise the dead.  The group finds more than they bargained for when the dead return from their graves, forcing the troupe to take refuge in an old abandoned caretaker's house.  Can they stay put until daylight against the undead onslaught, or do they flee into the pitch black night?  Will anyone survive?  ....Muhah hahahh!"

You may be wondering what this film has to do with the Holidays.  Well, nothing, really.  But, it is directed by Bob Clark, who directed Black Christmas and A Christmas Story, which I will be reviewing soon.

This movie is mostly remarkable because of the title.  Man, they just don't name stuff like that anymore.  Now, it would probably be titled, "Possession" or "Seance" or something.  Anyway, this film is very VERY weird.  The theater troupe hates each other and the dialogue is just them hating on each other for 45 mins.  There is an especially bizarre scene when the director has a wedding and marries one of the corpses.  Then, enter zombies.  From there on, it's basically trying to play off of Night of the Living Dead, which is no problem for me as that is one of my all time favorites.

VCI's 35th Anniversary Exhumed Edition is pretty great.  There is a commentary by Ormsby, Daly and Cronin, a tribute to Bob Clark, a Grindhouse Q & A, and interview with Ken Goch (real-life grave digger), a photo gallery, a few music videos by The Deadthings, trailers, etc...

-J. Moret

Friday, December 7, 2012

Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out) Review

1980
Directed by Lewis Jackson
95 mins.  Color.
DVD, released by Synapse Films, 2006




Christmas Evil is such a strange, hybrid-genre film, I can see why the marketing is so terrible.  All the posters, descriptions, and trailers are misleading.  It gets lumped in with Silent Night, Deadly Night and Black Christmas, but I think that’s a problem.  Those are both great films, but this is not really a slasher film.  This is not a horror film.  This is a genuinely original psychological film more in the vein of George Romero’s Martin or Taxi Driver than Halloween.  That being said, it’s got some genuinely crazy awesome gore sequences and is extremely entertaining. 

Harry Stadling (brilliantly played by Brandon Maggert) is forever scarred when he decides to go downstairs on Christmas Eve to see the real Santa Claus and instead sees, what we presume is his dad, getting physical with his mom.  Not surprisingly, the kid is disturbed.  To be fair, that’s pretty messed up.  As a result Harry grows up overly obsessed with Christmas.  He keeps tabs on the neighborhood kids, spying on them with binoculars and writing them down in the good boys and girls book or the bad boys and girls book.
 Harry works at a toy manufacturing shop, Jolly Dream, and has recently been promoted to manager, where he is horribly sad that he no longer works directly with the toys.  His coworkers are douchebags and one of them fools Harry into working one of his shifts so that he can go out with his wife, but in reality he is going to the bar with his friends, which Harry sees in a later scene.  Harry’s bosses laugh at him for wanting to donate a lot of toys to the children at Willowy Springs (the horrible State Hospital).  

Harry becomes more and more agitated as he sees all these people not having the Christmas spirit.   On Christmas Eve, Harry has finally had enough.  He paints a sweet Santa sleigh on the side of his van and glues a white beard to his face, but then seems to immediately regret it, trying his best to tear it off.  Maggert here takes over the role completely with his eyes and shows the mad desperation growing within Harry.  He embraces the becoming of Santa.



From here, Harry steals toys from Jolly Dream to bring to the Hospital.  It’s really quite amazing how the tone of this movie continues to shift.  Harry’s generosity is genuinely touching.  This is the moment that every great Christmas movie is able to capture, the idea that the Christmas spirit is all about generosity.  And yet, it then changes quickly again as he parks his sleigh van outside his bosses’ church as they attend Midnight Mass.  As the parishioners exit the church, some yuppie bastards in their 20s notice Santa outside standing by his van.  They immediately approach him.   One of them says to him:

“Well, Santa, are you ready for a busy night?”
Harry responds, “I have something for you.”
The smarmy bastard replies, “Oh, what is it?  I have superlative taste.” (how outstanding is that?


Harry then stabs the yuppy in the eye with the gun of a toy soldier.  It’s super grotesque and incredible.  He sinks a hatchet into the other yuppie's head and then runs to his sleigh van to escape.  The gore effects are cheesy but awesome.  But, Jackson lets the camera linger on the leftover chaos.  What could just be a really sweet, and super funny, moment suddenly turns very dark.  I found myself laughing and then immediately getting quiet. 

Harry comes across a Christmas party and stops to watch through the window.  Harry’s sad eyes linger on the happy group, and then two men inside notice Harry and bring him inside.  Awkwardly, Harry enters the group, but is soon caught up in the excitement and after much merriment, Harry delivers an amazing monologue to the children at the party:


"And, I'll bring you something... horrible."

Harry is chased by mobs of people searching for the killer Santa Claus.  From there, Harry gets stuck in a chimney, has his revenge on his co-worker, gets choked out by his brother, and then punches his brother in the face.  With a great surprise ending, Jackson has provided us with what is fast becoming my favorite Christmas movie.

The Hype:  You shouldn’t need to do much convincing to get people to watch this with you.  But, if you do find there is some hesitation, you could just tell them, “It’s like A Miracle on 34th Street with Travis Bickle as Santa Claus.”

The Trivia:
  • This is, unfortunately, Lewis Jackson’s only film
  • Brandon Maggart is the father of Fiona Apple
  • Jackson didn’t like the title Christmas Evil, he always wanted and now considers the film to be called You Better Watch Out.  The studio forced the Christmas Evil title last minute.  He also states, “I have decided the ‘Evil’ of said title refers not to the character of Harry but Corporate America and its commercialization of the best intentions of Christmas (and every other goddamn thing in American culture.)”  

Set Yourself Up:
  • Cozy together loved ones or do it alone.
  • Bake a pan of Christmas cookies and pour yourself  a big jar of milk or egg nog.

The Goods:  Synapse Films did a fantastic Special Edition release in 2006.  It has two audio commentaries (one with John Waters?), the never before seen Director’s cut, story-boards, and a nice note from Jackson.  You also get a fun little comic from Rick Trembles Motion Picture Purgatory that basically gives a four panel run down of the film and, of course, the wonderful Synapse Films catalog.  
Unfortunately, the cover choice of the DVD isn’t very good and continues the tradition of mis-marketing the film.  But, you do get this quote on the front:

“The greatest Christmas movie ever made.” - Director John Waters (Hairspray, Pink Flamingos)

-J. Moret

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Box Art: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)


Box Art: The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Sometimes movies aren’t as awesome as the box art and description they present.  Today, I offer The Star Wars Holiday Special.  A Spectacular Trip Into Outer Space!


“While en route to the Wookie home planet of Kashyyyk, the Millenium Falcon is pursued by Imperial Starships as Han Solo and Chawebacca attempt to arrive in time for the Life Day Celebration.  In anticipation, Chewie’s family prepares for this important holiday... until the Empire pays a visit!
The Star Wars Holiday Special is a two-hour variety spectacular that combines a dazzling array of visual effects, animation, action and musical performances.
Introduced for the first time are Chewbacca’s wife malla, father Ichy and son Lumpy.  Also included is a cartoon short featuring the debut of the notorious bounty hunter, Boba Fett.

Original Air Date: November 17, 1978
CBS Television Network”

I know pretty much every line of the original Star Wars trilogy.  Enter the Star Wars Holiday Special.  My brother bought me this sweet bootleg copy of this VHS a few years back.  Its ridiculous.  I’ve watched the first few minutes quite a few times now, and every time I get excited to put it in.  However, five minutes later when Lumpy starts singing I start cursing and take it out.  After seeing this, I should’ve known what George Lucas was capable of.

However, the box art is sweet.  This one is an amazing bootleg, with the artwork cheaply copied and then cut out and put in a big box.  

Included is a Kenner toy commercial from 1978!  I’ve actually never seen that, so I don’t know if it’s really on there or not.  

-J. Moret



Saturday, December 1, 2012

Review: DEATH NURSE

DEATH NURSE
Slasher Video (DVD Release)
60 Minutes, Unrated
1987





DEATH NURSE will shock you. It isn't scary. It isn't gory. It isn't chilling. It's bad. By bad, I mean easily one of the worst movies of all time. Sure, You've heard movies were bad before, but you haven't seen bad until you've seen DEATH NURSE.

So why would I be so excited to see it ? Because this is one of those rare bad movies that separates the "I think bad moviez R ironiclly hilaryuz LoLz" people from the hardcore. All other bad movies are the Pop Warner League. DEATH NURSE is the NFL with land mines on the sidelines.

Making a movie requires a lot of hard work. Regardless of budget. Every movie you have seen has a certain degree of planning, work, and dedication put into it. With DEATH NURSE, it's pretty clear that a lot of the leg work (and money) that goes into making a good film (or video) never happened.

THE PLOT:

Edith Mortley (Priscilla Alden) is a "nurse." Her brother is a "doctor." They run a clinic. They have arranged a plan with social services to care for people on the county's dime. They charge crazy amounts of money for the services they provide. These services include unnecessary surgeries performed with kitchen cutlery and pillow suffocation. After receiving these services, patients are buried in the back yard and the Mortleys continue to collect the county's cash. When a nosy social worker (played by Director Nick Millard's elderly mother) decides to check up on patients things get hairy.

I really don't want to taint the experience DEATH NURSE provides. But I will say you should get ready for a pillow fight. This movie has an unbelievable amount of padding. Padding is unneeded or lengthened scenes to increase the running time of the movie. Such scenes include digging holes, eating ice cream, feeding rats, eating pie, sleeping, showing clips from other movies, needlessly zooming in on people, pretending the cat is carrying around a dog's heart etc. Things that are never essential to the task at hand. Which for most movies is telling a coherent story.

UHHHHHH. WHAT?

Nick Millard is most well known for directing CRIMINALLY INSANE which is a bad movie in it's own right. At least it's coherent. It also stars Priscilla Alden (Edith Mortley). To extend the running time of DEATH NURSE, Millard actually shot a scene of Alden sleeping and uses the bloodiest scenes from CRIMINALLY INSANE as Edith's dreams. Is Edith supposed to be Crazy Fat Ethel from CRIMINALLY INSANE? Millard actually uses the same footage from CRIMINALLY INSANE 3 times! At least it's the part where Ethel/Edith tomahawks a dude's face with a meat cleaver.

Oh yeah, DEATH NURSE even shares the opening credits of CRIMINALLY INSANE. . .

Nick Millard enrolled the services of of friends and family. None of whom are technically actors. The film is less than 60 minutes long and about 30 of those minutes could be construed as padding. The set is someone's house. It was shot on production video (Beta). It would shock me if the production budget was over $1000.

SO. . . THIS. . . WAS RELEASED?

At this point I'm sure you're thinking, "This sounds like a shitty home movie I made in Sixth Grade." DEATH NURSE was actually released by Video City Productions on VHS in 1987. While I could go on one of those long rants about the video boom of the 1980s, I'll just say in the 1980s  if you had the means to make a movie and it was in the horror genre, someone would release it. The video market was packed to the brim with crap back then.

THE DVD:



DEATH NURSE may be one of the most cheaply and poorly made movies of all time. Though in recent years, has become quite expensive in the VHS Collector's market. Slasher Video has given those who choose to not spend $100 on a VHS tape a great alternative. The DVD is great and Slasher Video went above and beyond in the special features department. Here's the run down:

- Commentary with Director Nick Millard and actress/producer (and Nick Millard's wife) Irmi Millard

- Video Review with Paul from VHSCollector.com

- Remembering Priscilla Alden Featurette

- Shady Palms Waiting Room

- Death Nurse Q and A

- Photo Gallery

The special features have a much higher production quality than the movie itself. Even if you can't enjoy DEATH NURSE, the special features offer great insight into the mind of Director Nick Millard and the production of this piece of 80's video trash.



If you know what you are in for, DEATH NURSE is great fun. I honestly enjoyed my time watching DEATH NURSE. I actually found myself laughing out loud at several points. I'll put it bluntly; if you find a shirtless man pretending to be dead, being drug around on grass, then being sprayed in the face with a garden hose hilarious, I guarantee you will love this movie. If not, at least it's short.

Seriously. Go buy this movie: slashervideo.com. It's limited to 1,000 copies. So buy it and make your friends jealous when it's out of print. DEATH NURSE PART  II is also available.

- M. McSlam