FIVE FAVORITE SLASHER FILMS

This week, Matt and John share and discuss their five favorite slasher films.

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Check out this episode!

Thanks for listening
-J. Moret

Review: BEAKS: THE MOVIE (aka El Ataque de los Pájaros)

Directed by Rene Cardona, Jr.
1987
100 mins.  Color.
VHS from IVE Video

In Beaks: The Movie, Pigeons hate families that congregate and take pictures in the park.  Owls hate guys that stand on their balcony.  Seagulls hate people that fly planes.  Wild ducks hate priests.

Why would birds attack people?  Why would they kill babies, stab dudes in the eye, and destroy planes?  Hate, perhaps?

I often think slow-motion is a horrible mistake in film-making.  However, in the hands of Cardona, Jr. it is perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  When pigeons passively fly around a park, and a family runs in the middle of them, slow motion makes it XTREME!  When eye-patch shoots an owl out of the air, it very slowly EXPLODES!  When a bird knocks on the door in super slow-mo, it fools the simple farmer, and then the attack is SUPER XTREME!  When a bikini-clad girl runs on the beach in slo-mo, and is attacked by sea-gulls, the zoom to her boyfriend's eyes is CRAZY XTREME SLO-MO!

In the 1980s, there were very few productions that came out of Mexico.  Especially horror films.  BEAKS: THE MOVIE is a rarity then.  Hecho en Mexico Avian Horror.

Do you know whats not scary?  Birds.  They aren't scary.  Ever.  They just fly around with their talons and wings and make nests.  They have weird instincts that make them migrate and they tend to be super friendly to people.  I don't understand why these people don't just offer bread?  Stop at a Subway, pick up a footlong on white and you're set.

But, the birds in BEAKS don't want bread.  They want blood.  A footlong Tuna on Honey Oat just won't do.

Perhaps my favorite thing about this movie are the scenes when people are trapped in a room with a lot of birds and the way that the birds move make it clear that people are actually throwing the birds at the actors.  I love that crap.

Also, be on the lookout for that hang-glider scene with the most slammin' music ever.

SUPER SLO-MO XTREME OWL ATTACK!

Prepare Yourself:

• Roast a chicken.  Cut a lemon in half, put it inside the bird.  Add some fresh rosemary, a few cloves of garlic and salt.  Melt a half a stick of butter and rub on top, then sprinkle Lemon pepper on top.  Bake at 475 degrees for ten minutes, then turn it down to 350 degrees for an hour and a half.  Internal temp should be 175 degrees and juices should run clear.
• To balance out your bias, so that you can see both sides of the conflict, maybe watch an episode of The Bachelor?  That way, you're anti human as well.

The Goods:

The VHS is bomb.  There is a terrifying bird face with human prey in its' eyes and a tagline that says "You Don't Have a Wing of a Prayer!"  What does that mean?

-J. Moret

ENCINO MAN

This week, Matt and John discuss the 1992 teen comedy, ENCINO MAN.  Which is worth noting because Stony and Link wheeze the juice and Dave is a butthole.

You can subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or you can listen here:
Check out this episode!

Thanks for listening!
-J. moret

Review: MANIAC (2012)

Directed by Franck Khalfoun
89 minutes
2012
DVD

I don’t know why I’m always so surprised by what films Hollywood chooses to remake. It’s like they found a list of everyone’s favorite films of the 80’s and decided that instead of original content they would just remake everything from that list. Most of the films they end up remaking either fail to impress or blow people away. I can honestly say that the Alexandre Aja produced remake of the classic horror film Maniac blew me away and is one of the best and most interesting remakes I have ever seen.

I’m a big fan of the 1980’s Maniac. Super disturbing and awesomely gory, Maniac is a love it or hate it kind of film. Writer and lead actor Joe Spinell is fat, sweaty, ugly, and ultimately believable as a serial killer with weird mommy issues (because all good serial killers have to have mommy issues). When I heard that Elijah Wood was cast in Joe Spinell’s role I really couldn’t believe it. In a nutshell, Maniac centers around Frank Zito, a man who has a really messed up idea of sex and sexuality after seeing his slutty mother bang a bunch of dudes in front of him as a child. He owns and runs a mannequin repair shop by day and is a total creeper by night. He stalks and murders hot women, scalping them, then staples the hair onto mannequins. He then pretends that they’re his girlfriends. Things are going totally awesome for nutball Frank until he meets and falls head over heels for Anna, a young photographer who has the worst taste in men. Frank tries to dial back the crazy in order to win the affection of Anna but in the end Frank loses his shit.

Elijah Wood pulls off the role of Frank wonderfully. He may not be fat or ugly but boy can he be sweaty and creepy. He has this amazingly greasy moustache that just solidifies my belief that he could be a serial killer. I mean that thing is GROSS.

Yuck City 

The most interesting thing about this remake and what sets it apart from other horror remakes is that the entire thing (save for a few moments) is shot “point of view” style. I’m not talking about the camera POV style so prevalent in horror films nowadays (i.e. Paranormal Activity, V/H/S, REC, etc…). You, the viewer, experience the entire movie through the eyes of Frank. Most films try to get you in the minds of the main characters, this one literally puts you in the mind of a serial killer. The effect is exciting and unnerving. At times, I felt dirty and even guilty. I suspect that’s the effect they were looking to achieve. It never seems to feel gimmicky or forced like one would expect and it really only adds to the creepy nature of the film. It’s in a way, it’s kind of like Brainscan only more serious.

Extremely gory and extremely creepy, I was pretty blown away by this remake. Maniac proved to be one of the better horror films of last year (although made in 2012 it never got a wide release until 2013). The only blatant flaw was there wasn’t a shotgun head explosion like in the original. The filmmakers managed to take a cult classic and improve it, making it feel original but at the same time familiar.

Set Yourself Up:
- Don’t watch Mannequin starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall OR Mannequin II: On The Move starring Kristy Swanson and William Ragsdale. That will only fuck you up more.
- If you are going with a snack while watching this film, might I suggest bologna. One slice at a time.

-T. Reinert

JOHN'S FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2013

I saw some movies in 2013.  494 to be exact.  (some repeats in there.  For instance, I watched Drive Angry twice, you know, because of the complexity...) Only a few handfuls of those came out in 2013, however.  This is a list of ones that I enjoyed.  It's not necessarily a "top ten" as I didn't see everything that came out.  I used to make it a point to get to everything, but I just don't care anymore.  I ended up seeing way too much stuff that really wasn't worth the time.  Also, I don't think anyone really cares about rankings.  This is a site where we share films that we enjoyed and think are worth sharing.  But, anyway, here are some movies I recommend in no specific order.

THE ACT OF KILLING
Directed by Joshua Oppenheimer

No other film this year had as overwhelming and impact as Joshua Oppenheimer's documentary on the mass killings in Indonesia.  An absolutely astonishing film that has haunted me since I saw it.  If you're interested in a more in-depth look, you can read an essay I wrote with my brother for The Cresset here:

http://thecresset.org/2013/Michaelmas/Moret_M2013.html#.UmWcuN8bP1U.email

12 YEARS A SLAVE
Directed by Steve McQueen

Steve McQueen is a fantastic director, and I find myself absolutely in awe of his filmmaking.  Similar to Terrence Malick's films, they are beautiful and sad and inspiring.  Though 12 Years is not my favorite of his work, it is an absolutely astounding film, and should be required viewing.

THE PAST
Directed by Asghar Farhadi

Asghar Farhadi is a rare director that can juggle drama and character with such subtlety that it feels neither forced nor contrived.  He has a gentle hand that reminds me of great Japanese directors like Ozu and Koreeda.  A Seperation and Fireworks Wednesday still stand as some of the most moving experiences I've had in a cinema.  The Past is on par with the rest of his work, as it meditates on how our actions have dire consequences, and there is deep responsibility to be generous, present and honest.

HER
Directed by Spike Jonze

I love the work that Jonze did with Charlie Kauffman, but I feel that the work they have done separately has allowed them room to be even more strange and unique.  What Jonze has done with HER is simply remarkable.  He made me believe that not only could a man truly fall in love with his operating system, but that our sense of love is not tied to "personhood."  There are so many beautiful questions and touching moments, it's hard to relate what exactly this film meant to me, but I'm sure it will continue to change over the years, as new things connect.

NEBRASKA
Directed by Alexander Payne

With The Descendants, Alexander Payne moved from mean-spirited hilarity to deal with the complexity of grief and deceit.  Nebraska continues some of those same themes and develops them in the midwest, perfectly capturing my grandfather.

THE WORLD'S END

Directed by Edgar Wright

Edgar Wright's Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) has brought me great joy over the years.  His last, and final of the trilogy, brings it all together.  I also hate it, because it means we won't get another one of these...

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

Directed by Abdellatif Keciche

At three hours, it's tough to do anything that doesn't feel bloated, boring or confused (Peter Jackson, I'm glancing in your direction).  Blue manages to avoid all those pitfalls.  The lead, Adele Exarchopoulos, is perfect.  I would say that nearly seventy-five percent of the film features her face, and she never breaks.  Everything is reliant on her performance, and she's brilliant.

MUD

Directed by Jeff Nichols

McConaughey.  A sweetly told story of youth and innocence.  The Mississippi River.  This is my new Sandlot.

THE GREAT BEAUTY

Directed by Paolo Sorrentino

Rome is a gorgeous city that tends to be photographed poorly.  Not so in Sorrentino's epic piece about art, distraction and happiness.  It's a fantastic piece that delivers so much depth, I felt as though each scene could become the focus of an essay.  As a whole it is both overwhelming and insightful, but I'm gonna have to watch it a few more times to really get what it's about...

V/H/S 2

Directed by Gareth Evans and Timo Tjahjanto & more

I'm not a fan of POV style filmmaking.  In fact, for the most part, I hate it.  I think it's a cheap and shoddy way to tell a story.  You're constantly hearing someone say, "keep filming" or "are you getting this?"  It loses all sense of reality.  Also, I tend to only enjoy films that look bad if they are a testament to their time and / or limitations.  For instance, Shot-On-Video films from the 1980s look like VHS, which feels perfect, because that was the cheap form of making films at the time...  Something like Paranormal Activity 3 has no right looking that bad.  

And, I hated V/H/S.  

That all being said, the last two segments of this movie are incredible. Indonesian filmmakers Gareth Evans and Timo Tjahjanto are a revelation.  This is one of the most intense and well thought out horror films I've seen in a long time.

PRINCE AVALANCHE

Directed by David Gordon Greene

David Gordon Greene started with one of the strongest debut films I've ever seen, George Washington.  It's a beautiful film about childhood in the South.  He followed it up with Snow Angels and Pineapple Express and then... who cares.  They were bad.  With Prince Avalanche he comes back to form, and I found the scene that Paul Rudd has with the women in the burnt down house as one of the most moving of the year.

LEVIATHAN

Directed by Lucian Castaing-Taylor & Verena Paravel

Put together by the Sensory Ethnography Lab at Harvard, it is a theatrical experience like I have never had.  Largely made up of dark skies, raging waters and blood, this is the monster movie I wish Pacific Rim would have been.  Filmed entirely on a fishing vessel, the violence of nature combined with the violence we commit against nature, feels like being strapped to the side of Godzilla.  Not sure if this one can be enjoyed in the same way at home, unless you have a crazy home theater setup...

PAIN & GAIN

Directed by Michael Bay

There were a number of films that tried to approach the idea of the ever-more unattainable "American Dream" this year by showing people stealing it.  Bling Ring, Springbreakers, etc...  The most surprising and most insightful, for me, was Pain & Gain.  Like most Michael "Explosions" Bay films, its' juvenile and offensive.  However, the themes shine through absolutely untainted by insincere hipster douchebaggery.

TO THE WONDER

Directed by Terrence Malick

Haters gonna hate.  And haters big-time hate on Malick, mostly because they don't have the patience for him, or because they are so jaded they don't believe there can be real beauty, love and goodness.  Malick drips with sincerity.  As a student of the existentialists, he constantly wrestles with giant problems and leaves thousands of questions.  With "Wonder" he goes small, simply tackling the disintegration of love, the responsibility of adulthood, and the slippery nature of memory.  In some ways, it feels "small" but I was touched.  So, go ahead and hate, because I love it.

BEHIND THE CANDELABRA

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Not sure what's wrong with Hollywood, but this was just made for HBO.  really?  Soderbergh's last film doesn't get a theatrical release?  Despicable.

Anyway, this is a remarkable film about Liberace and love that performers have for themselves.  Great vanity tends to go hand in hand with self-destruction, and Soderbergh uses Liberace's relationship with his limo driver as a tool to show this.  Fantastic performances and one of the most fascinating stories of the last century made this one that I continue to ponder.  So long Soderbergh, I'm sad to see you go.

THE CONJURING

Directed by James Wan

I can't say I'm a huge fan of Wan's work.  The Saw Franchise is a bit annoying to me, and I thought Insidious was just so-so...  But, I absolutely loved The Conjuring.  It felt like 1970s horror filmmaking without being all nostalgic.  It also scared me, which rarely happens.

You're Next

Directed by Adam Wingard

You're Next is an unexpected one for me.  Most of the horror films that come out now are incredibly frustrating to watch.  They seem to miss the artistry that makes movies fun.  This year was a good year for horror films.  They seem to be going in the right direction and Wingard is a great leader for it.  He was also the director of the last piece of V/H/S 2.  He is a refreshing horror filmmaker.  His films look good.  The plot isn't entirely predictable.  He's not remaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the twelfth time.  Likewise, the lead actress in this is from Step Up 3, and she is badass in both, so its' bomb.

I'm guessing there are things I missed that I'll love and wish I put on this list, but I haven't seen them yet, so here is what I got.

-J. Moret